HEARTBROKEN
the perfect word to describe my feeling today.
you made me felt like a real loser today. come to think of it, the whole of last night when i was worrying away over the fact that you dont want to answer my calls and reply my sms, thinking that something may have happened to you or you are angry with me. but in the end, you were just too tired from BBQ that you fell asleep! do you know i broke down upon seeing your first message in school today in front of my friends. i actually broke down and cried. what is wrong with me? you make me so weak and valnerable. the first thing that came to my mind was that you could actually ignore my sms and treat me as invisible even if i told you i was back in Singapore just for the fact that you were having fun at a BBQ. i dont believe you cant even take a few seconds off to reply. it jsut goes to show how much i meant to you. more worthless than a class BBQ. if you are avoiding me why not tell me straight in my face. if you think i am a nuisance and a nag, why dont you just tell me push me away? what exactly am i to you?! you are driving me mad. sobbbs
today in school i finally collapsed. i cried. i felt unwanted. i showed the weaker and unhappy side of myself. yunhan and kaichun abandoning me at the same time. the feeling totally sucks. it feels like i lost two pillar of support for 4 days. i had to force myself to understand cos its a camp. and still,it was hard. was i being over sensitive or was it that my best friend really was being harsh cos she thinks that i am irritating too? anw, really wanna thank the peeps around me. if not for you guys (van, joycelyn, junhan, leonard, junrong and many many) i really dont know how i could survive the 4 hours lessons. being with you guys some how makes me feel much much better. i managed to smile. playing bball to vent is not bad followed by a plate of spicy sambal fried rice that i cant finish. thanks leonard for smsing me during lecture thou i know you really wanted to pay attention and your dear leaving today also. i love them!
after a "eventful" day, i am still back in this dark room of mine. back to that weak and gloomy side with memories flooding back. without the laughters that my friends can squeeze out of me, i am left with nothing.
to him:
dont know whether you will have the chance to read this, but if you do, these are my true feelings. you made me realize one fact. giving myself hope is giving me a chance to get hurt once again. i always had trust and hope in you, believing that you will fulfill what you promise me. to me, a promise speaks alot. but once broken, it hurts alot too. i try my best to believe in every word that you say but often your actions just reflects your true feelings together with your lies. you said that you love me, but your actions makes me feel unwanted. you said that you wont make me cry, but you are always committing the same mistake over and over again. and at the end of each day, nothing has been done. what's done is the wound left in me. from now on, i shant give myself any more hopes cos its fatal. i will just fall from greater heights each time. i no longer have that energy to pick myself up anymore. i am half dead at heart. i guess its all up to you.
3 more days before it ends.
yet it marks something special. but will it be special... i doubt so..
the perfect word to describe my feeling today.
you made me felt like a real loser today. come to think of it, the whole of last night when i was worrying away over the fact that you dont want to answer my calls and reply my sms, thinking that something may have happened to you or you are angry with me. but in the end, you were just too tired from BBQ that you fell asleep! do you know i broke down upon seeing your first message in school today in front of my friends. i actually broke down and cried. what is wrong with me? you make me so weak and valnerable. the first thing that came to my mind was that you could actually ignore my sms and treat me as invisible even if i told you i was back in Singapore just for the fact that you were having fun at a BBQ. i dont believe you cant even take a few seconds off to reply. it jsut goes to show how much i meant to you. more worthless than a class BBQ. if you are avoiding me why not tell me straight in my face. if you think i am a nuisance and a nag, why dont you just tell me push me away? what exactly am i to you?! you are driving me mad. sobbbs
today in school i finally collapsed. i cried. i felt unwanted. i showed the weaker and unhappy side of myself. yunhan and kaichun abandoning me at the same time. the feeling totally sucks. it feels like i lost two pillar of support for 4 days. i had to force myself to understand cos its a camp. and still,it was hard. was i being over sensitive or was it that my best friend really was being harsh cos she thinks that i am irritating too? anw, really wanna thank the peeps around me. if not for you guys (van, joycelyn, junhan, leonard, junrong and many many) i really dont know how i could survive the 4 hours lessons. being with you guys some how makes me feel much much better. i managed to smile. playing bball to vent is not bad followed by a plate of spicy sambal fried rice that i cant finish. thanks leonard for smsing me during lecture thou i know you really wanted to pay attention and your dear leaving today also. i love them!
after a "eventful" day, i am still back in this dark room of mine. back to that weak and gloomy side with memories flooding back. without the laughters that my friends can squeeze out of me, i am left with nothing.
to him:
dont know whether you will have the chance to read this, but if you do, these are my true feelings. you made me realize one fact. giving myself hope is giving me a chance to get hurt once again. i always had trust and hope in you, believing that you will fulfill what you promise me. to me, a promise speaks alot. but once broken, it hurts alot too. i try my best to believe in every word that you say but often your actions just reflects your true feelings together with your lies. you said that you love me, but your actions makes me feel unwanted. you said that you wont make me cry, but you are always committing the same mistake over and over again. and at the end of each day, nothing has been done. what's done is the wound left in me. from now on, i shant give myself any more hopes cos its fatal. i will just fall from greater heights each time. i no longer have that energy to pick myself up anymore. i am half dead at heart. i guess its all up to you.
3 more days before it ends.
yet it marks something special. but will it be special... i doubt so..
Labels: collapsed.
