Tuesday, May 27, 2008
just another sobb-ing night
maybe you are right. its my nagging thats turning you off. but i just cant help its not that i want to. believe me.
came back from Phuket yesterday. i did msg you but you didnt reply till today. sent 3 smses gave you at least 10 miss calls.. but nothing came back. i kept wondering why. why are you playing this hide and seek game with me again, hiding away from me so that i get all worried. is this how you wanna torture me? i ly on my bed and kept staring at my phone. calls after calls no one picked up. i was feeling so helpless and lost.. like a lost child in the midst of a desert with no water to survive. i was trying to distract myself by chatting with van and yunhan on my phone with junhan comforting me. but nothing worked. i know its all up to myself to forget and cheer up. but i just cant seem to pick myself up tonight. i lack the courage and strength i use to have. maybe thats the power of love? thou its not very good..
things became worst when i on my laptop and saw ningmao's off line message? she asked, " will people become less bonded with less time together?" i have been asking myself this question for sometime too. be it love and friendship. be it kaichun or just btw us (mii maomao yijun and yun han) i guess i cant answer her cos i dont know the answer myself. it sudden makes me realise i have been neglecting my DEAREST FRIEND cos of JC work ad stuff. this really sucks.
Dedicated to mao mao:
mao, i really dont know what happen to you in Australia that you suddenly had that question in you. worried and upset was what i saw in you. whatever it is, always remember i will always be there for you even if we have less time together. true friends once met will always be true. like any friendship there is always ups and downs. our friendship is not any different. the four of us promised to be best friends forever and we will. there will be a day when the dreams we had in our life game will all come true (thou some of them not very nice. so dont come true better! x) ) sorry that i have been neglecting you.. things have not been as great here, esp without you. you always ask me to be happy so now just smile! so that we can see all the fats on your face! looking forward to sunday so i can conference with my dearest! blehhh <3
for the whole night i have been thinking about you. its 3 in the morning yet i still cant get to sleep. i cried and sobbed everything out. i actually blog searched for your name. i read blog after blog, realizing your life seem so much happier without me. your house com alone can give you the happiness that i long to see in you. why issit that you have all the time to go eat lunch at macs, have house dinner at airport, camhore sessions etc but just no time for me. have you ever realize that i need you too. i need your attention care and love like any other girls. and i actually burst into tears while reading your happy moments and thinking about my place in you and your heart. where exactly do i stand? if thats the case, why not just let you go and catch your freedom and social life? keeping me by your side makes no difference. it seems to me that i am just another burden you are hesitating to unload. and you lied again! you broke your very own promise ocnce again. you are just hurting me. people always say loving someone is wanting them to be happy. is it always the case?
sobbed everything out tonight in this dark room of mine really made me feel like a loser. the room that used to hold many of our beautiful memories i will never forget for life. it seem to me that those were the days we were the happiest and that happiness will never come back to us again. i hate the feeling of being neglected from time to time. i hate it when you refuse to reply my sms. i hate it when you just decide to ignore me as you wish. i hate it when yo u lie and break your promises. i hate it when you shout at me. i hate it when i cry. i hate it when you abandon me every night. and my heart eventually breaks when you show me you dont want me anymore. you didnt say but i can sense it.
when will all these end? i just cant wait..
you going for camp tomorrow just means another 4 more days of helplessness for me. maybe its just cries as usual in the midst of the night.
Labels: missing the people that i love
poured out @6:07 PM
