Friday, May 30, 2008
miraculously he remembered..
just wanted to post in the name of 30th.. thou i am currently at band camp now..
happy 30th bee! it has been one year and 2 months.. but the love is still running and it shall run forever.. love you loads. muacks <3>
today was the day. but i didnt hold high hope he will remember. afterall, it was camp and he will be tired as usual. throughout this one year, i learnt that when he is tired dont expect much from him. partly cos i also know that high hopes will only bring me more disappointment and tears if he really forgets and breaks my heart. i hate that feelings and i dont want to experience it again. i ams till recovering from my old wound stabbed 5 days ago. apparently, i was not bothered much by the date, cos i chose not to.
woke up early in the morning to attend a taxing and tiring 3 hours bio tutorial. i felt like a superwoman after that! i was busy struggling copying what mrs lim had on the screen and econs notes, since i realize last night that some of my notes are empty due to some reasons.. hahhahas. i went basar malan opposite school with van joy shawn to shop shop. me and joy bought elmo soft toy each.. it was so cute! sad thing that they didnt have cookie monster. as for shawn and van they bought FAKE tamagotchi for 3 bucks each! copycats la.. still say no difference from mine. mine is REAL okies?!
then i was on my way back to chung cheng for band camp! cant wait. boarded 33 and met may along the way and we went back together.. we were the first alumni to reach! muahahhas. so on right?! ate japan delight for lunch, had some time with my section (as usual talking and playing non stop instead of practicing) and it was election time! i was trying to be funny being the mc.. and i koped jinhong's voting sheet and voted. paiseh! x) halfway through weng siong reached. he was being irritating. he wanted to vote also. so in the end we were fighting and making a mess out of the whole voting paper. we actually put our names in too! LOL. nothing interesting really happen.
minyu and chloe came subsequently. chloe was power okies. the moment she came she demanded to see ms low. cos apparently the comm kind of didnt agree with our choices and there were lots of changes. kind of disagree with the way they choose people. just dont want to further comment on it. guess we had fault too cos we did make a few wrong choices. but most if it was under mr wong's influence then. forget it! its not about pushing the blame around anymore.. its so the past.. the comm we selected is stepping down. see how time actually pass and how old we are! we went to kope dinner from the main band before meeting ms low. had a short meeting to know voting results, had hot discussion before weng and i had to rush off for alumni prac cos we were already 0ne hour late!
alumni prac was normal. but a miracle happened! he smsed me at 8 plus to wish me happy 3oth.. he actually remembered! he didnt forget! wooohoooo.. i was so happy. but obviously i couldnt shout. i guess all i did was smiling to my handphone like an idiot. and deep down in my heart it was so sweet. he actually asked if i missed him.. when did it last happen man! he actually or should i say finally care about how i feel towards him. and his replies for the day were all so cute.. thou it was only 3 before he dozed off again! my heart nearly melted man.. it all really came to me as a surprise. me, being the stubborn lihui refused to admit of course. but obviously i did miss him! quite badly somemore.. stupid bee! wanted to call him and talk while siting at the locker area where everything started..
the night was spent gossiping with may staff and weng instead of studying! our studying plan was gone! hahhas. sort of expected. Staff was funny! she was suppose to buy coffee for us to backup our midnight studying plan. she was so proud about herself that she bought belgian chocolate latte coffee. but in the end, upon the first sip, we realized she bought chocolate milk. it was a joke la! she actually thought latte meant coffee. lol. so from staying away, we end up having sugar rush. we went mad, talking non top about everything. our old band times, confessing about our own relationships and crushes etc. kinda fun! when will we ever find the time to do this after school in JC la.. sobbs. JC robbs social time!
i spent one hour plus along with weng at the locker area talking. sort of talking more about me and kaichun? cos i did most of the talking. hahas. found out quite abit. some of which was quite disturbing that i wished i knew them earlier.
to her:
at that time i knew something was wrong. i could feel that you had something for him. it was definitely more than good friends. he kept denying. apparently, he didnt sense that you had something for him thou it was kinda obvious. i did feel jealous and threatened by you. i did and it didnt felt good at all. he may have given you the wrong idea and for that i apologize to you on his behalf. maybe he was being wishy washy as usual that he didnt make things clear. and i didnt expect it to hurt and impact you so much till today. i really didnt meant to budge in just like. it was unintentional. i dont enjoy being a 3rd party. i am sorry! but given the chance that i knew the fact early, i would still hold tightly to him. i would not let him go. i would not have given him up to you for he is of equivalent importance to me.. he had given me many happy and beautiful memories and times that i never knew i could have. he made me realize how important a person can meant to me beyond my own self. i am sorry to have hurt you in process.. you were right to curse and hate me for if i were you, i would have hated that girl too. a girl who just appear from nowhere and took away the guy that meant alot. you were first, but to me, that doesnt signify anything for it is the feelings that count.
felt so disturbed that it just keeps staying in my mind. on the bus on the way home, before i sleep etc. towards her, i feel a sense of guilt. just glad that she is moving on. once again, i am sorry! =(
the day has comed.. he remembered..
starting to feel inferior of myself.. so much happened
maybe i am just not good enough.. not fit to be..
Labels: a guilt for life
poured out @8:27 PM
